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[Q&A] Girlfriend Wants To Check My Phone!


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Need an answer to a burning digital question? Every other week, we'll be running one of the best Q&As we've received from our team of experts on digital ethics. This week’s response comes from the Boss of Me Campaign.


My gf constantly wants to go through my phone and when I tell her no she thinks I'm hiding something. She has the passwords to both my Facebook and MySpace and goes through them every day. If I change them she says I'm hiding something and makes me give her the new ones or threatens to leave and says she doesn't trust me if she doesn't have them. What should I do?


Although your girlfriend may not be aware of it, her behavior is a form of emotional abuse. A relationship is a partnership. You do not belong to her and therefore it is really important for her to demonstrate that she trusts you.  Being in a relationship does not mean giving up the right to have your own space and without trust, love is unable to grow.  Trust can be a really hard thing because you have to know something you can’t prove (for example; she needs to KNOW that even when you aren’t together, she is the only one you want to be romantic/intimate with). If she could communicate with you calmly about specific concerns or fears then you could talk through them together and begin to address the source of her trust issues.  However, if she is not willing to think about doing things differently, you may want to think about whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone who does not respect your personal space.  Without trust, it is really hard for a relationship to grow and become strong and healthy.

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